Before essentially ripping this movie apart like the crudely CGI'd piranhas featured in the film, let me make this very clear: Please don't believe I'm grading this movie the same way I'd critique any heavy drama, or big-budget action adventure. I understand I'm reviewing a movie whose very name is a pun on a bra size, and probably has the budget of the average direct-to-dvd torture porn, and am treating it as such. Though I didn't necessarily love it as much as the consensus, I also found its predecessor to be enjoyable on whole, and occasionally riveting in the most pulpy way imaginable, so you know I'm not an absolute buzzkill. Okay, after getting this tiny, but necessary acknowledgement of our circumstances out of the way, we can begin.
Replacing the original bizarre, but memorable cast of Elisabeth Shue, Adam Scott, Ving Rhames, Kelly Brook, Jerry O'Connell, and Paul Scheer, with a group of generic college aged stereotypes and David Hasselhoff, the film immediately gets off to a bad start before the failed scares even begin due to the lost likability of its cast. Other than Hasselhoff, the only two recognizable actors not playing cameos are David Koechner (Anchorman) and Katrina Bowden (Tucker and Dale vs. Evil), who are wasted by an abysmal script which forces them to play their mediocre stereotypes as "The Douche" and "The Good Girl". Bowden especially has proven she can be excellent in dumb horror almost parodies from Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, but as stated before, is absolutely wasted. The only two who leave the film unscathed are Scheer and Rhames, who briefly reprise their roles in a set of cameo performances. A two minute, entirely improved scene between the two involving a lazy river is probably the highlight of the film.
In a movie like this, it seems difficult for the piranha related violence to come off dull and unenjoyable, but it's true. It not only fails to live up to its predecessor's Saving Private Ryan styled beach invasion, which would be understandable considering director Alexandre Aja's ambition toward the sequence, but can't even prove to be entertaining. Mostly reheated leftovers, Gulager simply cuts to various shots of people on water slides while being attacked, and most of the violence remains out of view. Only Koechner's death proves to be anything that hasn't already been done bigger and better by Piranha 3D.
In order for a film to qualify as horror in my opinion, all it has to be is unsettling, which this film cannot succeed at. A horribly failed attempt to aim for the lowest common denominator, hopefully between this and Keyhole, the bad luck for the "Summer of Scares" feature was a fluke, and we'll be back on track for the films of the future.
Level of Terror: None
Note: This movie wasn't seen in 3D(D), but I don't think the glasses will do anything more than bring mediocrity to the third dimension. However, if you've got a hankering for crudely CGI'd piranhas in your face that cannot be contained, go for it. Just don't say I didn't warn you for the film in general.
Bonus Note: Sigh, just discovered that this movie had a $20 million dollar budget. My new theory is that this movie was one gigantic scam against the Weinstein brothers, because there's no possible way all of it was spent for the film.
Just One More Note: Oh yeah, Gary Busey is in this movie. He plays a hick farmer who lights a cow's fart on fire, and later bites the head of a piranha. Do I smell an Oscar, anyone?