Nature Calls (C)

(It is impossible to write a review for this film without mentioning the ending, so a spoiler alert is in place)

This has been a particularly difficult review to write, because frankly, I have no real idea how to address this movie. It's completely enigmatic, in that it's never clear whether director Todd Rohal intended his feature to be a pitch black, played straight parody of the 70's styled slob-com, or a horribly misguided attempt to recreate this sub-genre for a present day audience. The plot involves a 40 year old man who remains obsessed with Boy Scouts (Patton Oswalt), who abducts a group of children from a sleepover hosted by his egocentric brother (Johnny Knoxville), and takes them camping in a restricted forest with his dying mute grandfather. Once they arrive at the camp site, he forces the kids to stay with him, and learn about the wilderness and manhood, because no one other than him knows the way home. However, Oswalt is a horrible scout leader; he curses in front of the kids, refuses to acknowledge their requests, and gives them cigarettes on multiple occasions. Meanwhile, Knoxville and two of his somewhat psychotic friends (Rob Riggle and Patrice O'Neal) hope to track down the group for almost the sole purpose of brutally attacking Oswalt in retribution for his crimes. Laughing yet?

Universal Solder: Day of Reckoning (B-)

Replete with plot points involving cloning, mind control, false memories, superhuman soldiers, shady government dealings, screwdriver lobotomies, underground brotherhoods, and regenerating limbs, it's an accomplished feat that John Hyams' fourth sequel to the unlikely "Universal Soldier" franchise doesn't come off as a hastily assembled, ludicrous jumble of insanity. A series packed with as much visceral energy and intensity as offbeat sci-fi elements, this installment pushes usual protagonist Luc Deveraux (most commonly portrayed by Jean-Claude Van Damme) off to the sidelines, and chooses to focus on a new recruit to the Universal Solder program, played by Scott Adkins. Also returning is Dolph Lundgren as St. Andrew Scott, the initial antagonist of the original film. With the two reigning champions of direct-to-video action flicks reuniting for an over-the-top, testosterone infused, gore extravaganza, all director Hyans essentially needs to do is shoot a couple of well choreographed fight scenes, and call it quits to deliver the grindhouse masterpiece college frat boys will inevitably be able to quote verbatim. And while the film doesn't necessarily reach such great heights when compared to ordinary Hollywood action pictures, it certainly crosses this low bar with flying colors.

Footnote (A+)

With a masterful script, incredible acting, exhilarating direction, and an impeccable ability to blend hilarity with heartbreaking drama with the slightest of ease, I've already come to terms that director Joseph Cedar's study on the relationship between a passive aggressive talmudic professor and his competitive and egotistical father will most likely be my favorite film of the year. Having originally seen the feature back in early June, I have attempted to review it multiple times, only to give up, not believing that I had given a strong enough recommendation for those who would read it. Since then, I have re-watched the movie twice, and each time was able to pick up more insights, and further the reasoning as to why I have become so infatuated with the film. Upon my third viewing, I came to a conclusion: This gets closer to cinematic perfection than almost any other movie I've ever seen. It's the closest thing to a transcendent masterpiece to be released into theaters in years; and I honestly cannot remember another feature I've enjoyed, and had this much appreciation for, in a very long time.

The Hole (C-)

(Sorry for the month long hiatus; after the incident involving my review of the independent drama Brilliant Mistakes, I felt that I needed to take a small break from writing. Hopefully I'll be back to getting out four or more reviews per month starting in November.)

Some movies are based off novels, others inspired by real life events, but rarely is there a feature whose premise stems from a mere quotation. Seemingly based on FDR's iconic quote about fear, The Hole is an Australian horror feature whose villain is the very essence of fear itself: A bottomless hole leading to an alternate dimension where your nightmares transform into physical form. It's an odd, but engaging premise; one which allows for endless creativity when conjuring up potential creatures and demons to terrify the audience. Without the confinements of a constant evildoer, the director and art department have the opportunity to create as many creepy monstrosities as they desire, while also showing the audience terrors they may've previously imagined, but have never witnessed onscreen. Though the relatively low-budget put some limitations on complexity (12M), it isn't difficult to imagine someone like Guillermo del Toro, or more recently Panos Cosmatos, directing a visually fascinating version of the premise; replete with nightmarish designs unlike anything else we've seen before. Unfortunately, while director Joe Dante has already proven his knack for monsters with his 1984 classic Gremlins, his latest is far too generic and melodramatic to live up to its full potential.

Corporate Mastermind in Peril Double Feature: Arbritage (B+) and Cosmopolis (C)

With an almost endless supply of wealth and political power, it's easy to despise the selective, authoritative citizens who belong to the 0.0001%: The protectors of unadulterated capitalism, and almighty masters of the universe. Because of well known greedy figureheads such as Donald Trump and the Koch Brothers, the public perception of the billionaire has gradually morphed into one of general aversion; even wealthy philanthropists such as Bill Gates are often criticized by a domestic population now cynical of anyone with an annual income over 1 million. Now, getting off my political soapbox, it has always been difficult by screenwriters, directors, and most importantly actors, to portray the ultra-affluent in a sympathetic light because of the almost unanimous negative bias against their kind. Many filmmakers have tried, but few have actually succeeded.

Branded (C-)

Rather than begin this review like normal, by immediately introducing the name of the film and its director, I would like to open with a quote from Cameron Crowe's 2005 flop, Elizabethtown:


"As somebody once said; there's a difference between a failure and a fiasco. A failure is simply the non-presence of success: Any fool can accomplish failure. But a fiasco...A fiasco is a disaster of mythic proportions. A fiasco is a folktale told to others that makes other people feel more alive because it didn't happen to them."

Apologizes for my "Brilliant Mistakes" Review

It's come to my attention that many people were offended by my review of the film Brilliant Mistakes, and after re-reading it, I can completely understand where they were coming from. What I said about the film came out mean and needlessly cruel, and I am deeply sorry for what I wrote. I've permanently taken the review off the site, and will sincerely try to have this situation never happen again. Also, please don't think I'm an internet troll, slamming movies without a reason; though my writing may have a couple flaws, I'm never intentionally trying to hurt a film.

Thank you for calling me out on my mean spirited review,
David

Note: I am also deleting my review of Funeral Kings for the same reason.

The Good Doctor (C+)

A routine medical thriller with a superb closing act, Lance Daly's The Good Doctor stars the typically typecast swashbuckler Orlando Bloom as a pious and insecure doctor in his first year of residency, whose low self esteem inevitably causes him to develop an obsession with an appreciative teenaged female patient. It's a premise that could possibly work better under the format of an episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents, where compelling suspenseful ideas could be told in full in a limited period without needing to pad the runtime, but with the excellent supporting cast of Taraji P. Henson, Michael Pena, Riley Keough, and a surprisingly uncredited J.K Simmons, coupled with a tense screenplay from Party Down scribe John Enbom, I was relatively optimistic that the setup could work just as well as a feature film. Though my optimism was justified with the supporting cast, I was met with sincere disappointment in most other aspects of the film. Due to pedestrian direction, a generally dull script, and a mediocre lead, up until the final 20 minutes I frequently found myself bored and disengaged with the story.

Summer of Scares: Compliance (A) and "Summer of Scares" Awards Ceremony

After two downright atrocities (Piranha 3DD and The Last Screening), one nonsensical mess (Keyhole), an intensely deranged Australian exploitation flick (The Loved Ones), and a visually dazzling sci-fi nightmare (Beyond the Black Rainbow), Film Crazy's Summer of Scares is ending on a mesmerizingly terrifying note with Craig Zobel's straight-from-the-headlines psychological thriller Compliance; a feature that not only wins the scariest movie of summer by a mile, but is also, without a doubt, one of the best films of the year. 

Sleepwalk with Me (C+)

Comedian and professional storyteller Mike Birbiglia's semi-autobiographical directorial debut, Sleepwalk with Me, combines traditional staples of the mumblecore movement with occasional bursts of surrealist humor, to analyze the life of a naive, self proclaimed comic. Directed, written, and starring Birbiglia, the film is a passion project of sorts. Though based off his off-broadway show, and best selling book, I first heard Birbiglia's story in a segment around two years ago on the Ira Glass hosted radio show This American Life (Glass would later produce, and help write the script for the film. He also appears briefly as a wedding photographer in a blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameo). In the segment, Birbiglia monologues about his personal life while beginning a career in comedy; stressing over an 8 year romantic relationship moving toward marriage, doubt from parents that this type of sporadic employment will provide steady income, and low self-esteem that his material is any good to begin with. At the same time, all of these internal and external pressures may be causing him to develop RSD, a sleeping disorder which causes him to subconsciously reenact his dreams in reality. It's an occasionally hilarious, melancholic story, but developing it into a movie may not of been the best choice.