Thursday, May 9, 2013

Movie 43 (D+)

Read any review for the sketch comedy omnibus Movie 43, and you'll hear that it's one of the worst movies ever made: The metaphorical equivalent to the apartheid, and a clear sign that humanity has descented into the depths of hell for comedic entertainment. A movie solely advertised for celebrities doing disgusting things for an hour-and-half without any plot, with a couple of recognisable directors thrown in for good measure to tarnish their names through helping to make such garbage. It's been years since such a widely panned movie has been released, and what makes the situation all the more compelling is that seemingly half of Hollywood is involved. Actors include Dennis Quaid, Greg Kinnear, Hugh Jackman, Kate Winslet, Naomi Watts, Liev Schreiber, Anna Faris, and Chris Pratt, and that's only within the first 20 minutes. Jammed to the brim with stars like the ultimate cheat for Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, it elevates Movie 43 beyond the point of traditional failure. This movie shouldn't have been dumped in the dog days of January with a low theater count and a shoddy marketing effort. With a cast like this, it should be a priority project released on a good date in the middle of summer. Even with mediocre material, it's possible to get a good audience to see the film, rather than the low count which made up its abysmal $4,805,878 opening weekend.

It wasn't until a sketch involving a man being asked by his fiance to poop on her when I realised there wasn't even enough hilarity to include in a trailer.

Movie 43 certainly isn't one of the worst movies ever made, but it's still fairly terrible. We're not even working on a ratio of good to bad sketches. Out of the 14 total sketches, only three manage to be consistently amusing; as in a few solid chuckles. The best metaphor wouldn't be the apartheid, but rather the aftermath of a post-apocalyptic scenario. The entire film is a barren wasteland of morbid hopelessness, but there are still a few small pleasures which you accept due to the sheer direness of your situation. In any other feature, a parody commercial involving children operating machines from the inside might be groanworthy, but here it's the unopened bottle of Coke in an abandoned and raided supermarket. A flat bottle of soda wouldn't be appreciated in our modern day society, but after showering of nuclear explosions across the country, it'd be a gem to lighten our fading spirits against the bleak reality which dominates every aspect of life.

Movie 43 contains some moments of mild hilarity, but it's difficult to tell if the bits are genuinely funny, or just decent in comparison to a cartoon cat aggressively masturbating to a picture of his master in a spoof of a TV show which doesn't exist. It deserves to die a quick death, as to not further humiliate those involved, and should hopefully find a space on a .99 cent DVD rack by at least July. For every piece of Shakespeare the room full of monkeys churns out, there're a thousand pieces of trash. Considering all the actors and directors involved with the film, this is one of them.

Grade: D+

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